This article originally appeared in Vol 3 No. 2 (Feb. 1995) of the Facilitated Communication Digest, [pp. 11-12]

I am considered a pioneer by some, a miracle by many, a hoax by a few die-hard skeptics, and an enigma by my doctors. Lately, I've been trying to figure out how I see myself now and in the future.

Because of an extremely controversial process called Facilitated Communication (or FC), I have been freed from a life of silence and anonymity and thrust into the frequently harsh spotlight of media and medical "expert" scrutiny. I have gone from classes in special schools where little was expected of me and had nothing to prove, to a world of "higher" education where expectations run high and I am asked to prove I belong there nearly every second of every day. I'm not sure where I actually do belong, but neither of these situations quite fits the bill in my own humble opinion.

I have proven myself time and again to skeptical family members, friends, doctors, psychologists, social workers, lawyers, and one very tough family court judge; yet I still fear and feel doubt, rejection, and lack of acceptance in too many places. I have taken and already successfully passed Howard Shane-Style Double-Blind Testing and Message-Passing Tests where my facilitator did not and could not know what I'd seen or heard when totally out of his or her presence. This was true even with a time interval of 6+ months in one outstanding instance.

Yet there are some skeptics and even some "friends" of FC who'd look to put me through more hated, unwanted, and personally aversive and evasive and anxiety-provoking testing as if I were some type of expendable lab animal. As a full-fledged member of the human race I find this repugnant and insulting and in violation of my human rights. Test your own humanity and consciences and morality before trying to malign me and those who believe I have absolutely nothing more to prove! Ask yourselves what "unselfish Motive" you could possibly have for hurting, belittling and demeaning me or anyone else. Judge yourselves before you ever dare to judge anyone else!

For all my years of silence and for the 3+ years I've been typing the only source of stability and security in my mind, life and world has been and remains my father. At times, in fact, he was my only contact with reality. His belief in me was hard to achieve and to maintain. It propels me forward like the wind pushing the sailboat on the sea. My independent typing is, in strong part, a direct result of that very belief.

Despite this, everyone (including him) expected and demanded that I type well with virtual strangers at a level requiring absolute trust. I can't! I am not yet ready and don't know when I will be. When I asked for my father's help in achieving these lofty goals, I was rebuffed by the school and by him.

For me, FC has been a mixed blessing. While giving me freedom, it has also made me realize how needy and dependent I am and how far I still need to go to achieve true freedom. I only know I need to do it on my terms at my pace and it will happen.

In her article "In the Real World" in JASH, Donna Williams has tried to explain Autism and why FC works to a "real world" that grasps neither the meaning, mechanics, impact, or feelings and emotions that come with and are an intrinsic part of both Autism and FC. It is a valiant effort for which I both applaud and thank her. In addition, I exhort the media and the skeptics to finally acknowledge that, as with every story, there are 2 or more sides to this one, and a truly unbiased account must, at last, be shown for the public to come to their own, informed conclusions.

Just 2 short years (although it seems like half a lifetime) ago, I wrote the following poem. It still rings true for me: